Tuesday, June 28, 2011


Take it easy on yourself. Watch something good on telly, snuggled in a doona. My picks:

- Twin Peaks. Take advice from Agent Cooper: "Harry, I'm gonna let you in on a little secret. Every day, once a day, give yourself a present. Don't plan it, don't wait for it, just...let it happen. Could be a new shirt at the men's store, a catnap in your office chair, or two cups of good, hot, black coffee."
I'll take mine with milk, and I'll only have one, but yes, a cup of good, hot coffee is just the ticket right about now.

- Six Feet Under. If you've already seen it, watch it again and feel like you're hanging out with old, dysfunctional friends. If you haven't seen it, the characters have some incredibly fucked-up things happen to them, so take solace in the fact that you're probably not as unlucky as they are (and that you're not dating Billy).

- Something amusing. I like silliness in my humour. My favourite shows of this ilk are Arrested Development, 30 Rock and Flight of the Conchords. Be relieved that you do not have a mother like Lucille Bluth, the self-esteem of Jenna or the, well, lacklustre career of Bret and Jemaine.

- If you are in need of something more uplifting, I recommend the movies of Hayao Miyazaki. Totoro is cute, Spirited Away is darkly whimsical, Princess Mononoke is just incredibly beautiful.

- Oh! Oh! And my favourite movie of all time, one that NEVER fails to make me smile madly. Tilsammens, a Swedish movie by the marvellous Lucas Moodysson, perfect for all the tree-hugging commies out there ;-) The music is great and the threads (when they're wearing them) are even better.

Happy watching!

PS: What are your favourite things to watch when you're in need of either escapism or cheering up?

Monday, June 27, 2011


If you happen to have procreated and made a lovely wee doppelganger, take solace in this wondrous, hilarious little person.

Try very hard not to let them see you cry. Otherwise, they will say things like "Oh darling, s'okay", "You my best friend, Mummy!", or "My love you so much, not be sad, Mummy", while patting your back affectionately, and make you cry even harder, and then make you feel terrified that you have done terrible, irreversible damage to their little soul.

However, this is most definitely not the time to beat yourself up. Assure yourself that you will do better, and do better.

Look at blissful photos of the two of you. Be sure to take more.

Indulge in a ridiculously large amount of cuddles. Rejoice in the fact that you can now have your little one fall asleep in bed next to you, with you listening to their amusing old-man snores and whimsical sleep-talking, without your as-yet childless boyfriend telling you that "she needs to learn about boundaries, she's too old to still be in your bed." Pfffft.


Last year, in about August, my baby's father and I decided to go our separate ways. It seemed pretty mutual - things hadn't been great for about a year, although we'd soldiered on and tried counselling and going on dates and all that.. But, in the end, we both felt as though we deserved more than we each could give, and so he moved out.

A few weeks later, I forced myself to stop moping and go out to a friend's party. I was standing inside, talking with a friend, and a guy next to me introduced himself. There was something endearing about the way he came right out and said it, it made me giggle. And from there, we became virtually inseparable.

After a week, we declared our love for each other. He said that he wanted me as his wife, that he wanted us to have siblings for my little girl. I couldn't believe that I'd been so lucky as to find the perfect person for me, someone who wanted everything that I wanted, and so soon after my last relationship had failed.

The timing was a bit off, a bit too soon. And I began to notice his insecurities, and how sometimes his manner with other people made me uncomfortable. That I felt criticised, unnecessarily and often. That the way he talked himself up made me cringe. But I made excuses - when he was insecure, I'd make extra effort to let him know I loved him. When he criticised me, I thought it would be good, that I'd keep myself at a high standard and not let myself slack off. That when he bragged about all manner of insignificant things, it was just his insecurities coming out, and that it was my place as his girlfriend to assure him of his worth, and, as always, that I loved him.

I finally broke it off last weekend. I was determined to wait until after his birthday on Thursday - I wanted to go about it with as much dignity and kindness as I could muster. After 9 months of being criticised, undermined, treated as a hobby, ignored, yelled at and told that I am too moody and too depressed, I have never in my life doubted myself as much as I do right now.

Well - slowly, slowly I'm doubting myself a little less. If I can choose what is best for myself and my darling girl, if I can see that we were being taken for granted and that I can do better for us, that gives me a little bit of respite. Even though, by some stupid law of nature that goes directly against any kind of logic, I feel as though my heart has been ripped out and torn to shreds. And then stomped on and eaten and puked out and stomped on again.

I'm not sure how long I'm going to feel like this, but it might be for a little while yet. In which case, I am going to record my own little "How to get over a broken heart" ideas. Just in case this sort of hideousness happens to me again, or in the event that the steps I'm taking will give somebody else a bit of respite from being stuck under the crappy Cloud of Love Gone Wrong.

Monday, June 6, 2011

It girl

I have a bag named after me! Hehe:


I know, I know, I should have my nose in a textbook instead of sniffing for cute bags on eBay...