#1

If you happen to have procreated and made a lovely wee doppelganger, take solace in this wondrous, hilarious little person.

Try very hard not to let them see you cry. Otherwise, they will say things like "Oh darling, s'okay", "You my best friend, Mummy!", or "My love you so much, not be sad, Mummy", while patting your back affectionately, and make you cry even harder, and then make you feel terrified that you have done terrible, irreversible damage to their little soul.

However, this is most definitely not the time to beat yourself up. Assure yourself that you will do better, and do better.

Look at blissful photos of the two of you. Be sure to take more.

Indulge in a ridiculously large amount of cuddles. Rejoice in the fact that you can now have your little one fall asleep in bed next to you, with you listening to their amusing old-man snores and whimsical sleep-talking, without your as-yet childless boyfriend telling you that "she needs to learn about boundaries, she's too old to still be in your bed." Pfffft.

Broken

Last year, in about August, my baby's father and I decided to go our separate ways. It seemed pretty mutual - things hadn't been great for about a year, although we'd soldiered on and tried counselling and going on dates and all that.. But, in the end, we both felt as though we deserved more than we each could give, and so he moved out.

A few weeks later, I forced myself to stop moping and go out to a friend's party. I was standing inside, talking with a friend, and a guy next to me introduced himself. There was something endearing about the way he came right out and said it, it made me giggle. And from there, we became virtually inseparable.

After a week, we declared our love for each other. He said that he wanted me as his wife, that he wanted us to have siblings for my little girl. I couldn't believe that I'd been so lucky as to find the perfect person for me, someone who wanted everything that I wanted, and so soon after my last relationship had failed.

The timing was a bit off, a bit too soon. And I began to notice his insecurities, and how sometimes his manner with other people made me uncomfortable. That I felt criticised, unnecessarily and often. That the way he talked himself up made me cringe. But I made excuses - when he was insecure, I'd make extra effort to let him know I loved him. When he criticised me, I thought it would be good, that I'd keep myself at a high standard and not let myself slack off. That when he bragged about all manner of insignificant things, it was just his insecurities coming out, and that it was my place as his girlfriend to assure him of his worth, and, as always, that I loved him.

I finally broke it off last weekend. I was determined to wait until after his birthday on Thursday - I wanted to go about it with as much dignity and kindness as I could muster. After 9 months of being criticised, undermined, treated as a hobby, ignored, yelled at and told that I am too moody and too depressed, I have never in my life doubted myself as much as I do right now.

Well - slowly, slowly I'm doubting myself a little less. If I can choose what is best for myself and my darling girl, if I can see that we were being taken for granted and that I can do better for us, that gives me a little bit of respite. Even though, by some stupid law of nature that goes directly against any kind of logic, I feel as though my heart has been ripped out and torn to shreds. And then stomped on and eaten and puked out and stomped on again.

I'm not sure how long I'm going to feel like this, but it might be for a little while yet. In which case, I am going to record my own little "How to get over a broken heart" ideas. Just in case this sort of hideousness happens to me again, or in the event that the steps I'm taking will give somebody else a bit of respite from being stuck under the crappy Cloud of Love Gone Wrong.

It girl

I have a bag named after me! Hehe:

http://www.ebay.com.au/itm/COUNTRY-ROAD-IRIS-POSTMAN-LEATHER-SATCHEL-NEW-/150614772376?pt=AU_Women_Bags_Handbags&hash=item2311570a98

I know, I know, I should have my nose in a textbook instead of sniffing for cute bags on eBay...

Hi!-atus

Hello again to the blogging world!

This is just a quick little hello. It's also me procrastinating expertly - I started my DipEd back in February, and I hardly have time to breathe, let alone blog.


Although I've resolutely made sure to spend lots and lots of time with Baboushka. She's now two-and-a-bit, and so smart and funny and bright and absolutely gorrrgeous.

I've been missing blogging a lot lately, so I'll see how I go and hopefully get back into it. And, I mean, all of the op-shop treasures I've scored in the last year? It'd be a crime not to share them ;-)

I hope you're all well!

Love Iris x

Baboushka's Birthday pt.2

Uh-huh, there's more. The weekend after little Bushki's birthday we had a big party for her down at my mum's place in Kiama. I cooked like a mad woman, overcompensated as I tend to do (we're still trying to finish a giant wheel of Brie and one of those big Toblerones), and Baboushka had a blast. So, er.. more photos!





Here's my grandmother with her three great-grandchildren. How incredible must that be, to know that, essentially, you're responsible for 3 generations? Three. Entire. Generations. It boggles my mind. I'm looking forward to grandmotherhood :-)



Bushki and her Unkie Dave.



We'd been trying to teach her to blow out her candles - she whistles and plays Pat's old school recorder, but no dice with candles.

Oh, and I found my dress at Salvos - a sixties Hawaiian barkcloth number for $7! Score!



Aw, here she is with Nanny and Grandpa.

And having some walking practice with her papa. She's taking steps, but not proper walking yet, unless someone is holding her hand.

Phew! Last one. She was so so so tired at the end of the party, but in true Bushki fashion she remained stoic and awake to wave off every last guest.

PS: Promise my next post will contain something other than copious pictures of my wee lady ;-)

Baboushka's Birthday

I've been meaning to share some photos of my little gumnut's birthday for a while now. I felt like a giant dork taking the camera everywhere, but I reasoned that it's the kind of thing she may well appreciate when she's older. And it's the blogging thing to do, right?


Her Unkie Mont was down from Brisbane for a couple of days, it was lovely to have him around (not least because he carried her everywhere).


She's incredibly fond of her crazy, giant uncles. I suspect she's going to grow up with a unique (read: warped) sense of humour if they have anything to do with it.




We had lunch at Bento, a teeny-weeny sushi place and one of our favourite haunts. $8 for miso, vegetable sushi, pancake and potatoes. Ridiculous and awesome. Baboushka had an enormous bowl of avocado and rice.




Then Pat and I took her out to another favourite place of eating, a Greek restaurant with fantastic skordalia, melitzanosalata and vegetable moussaka.


Needless to say, we had a couple of interesting nappies the next day...

7

Okay, I need to come up with seven things about myself that are interesting, as dear Megs from Box of Tricks has tagged me. She is having her baby today (!), so, you know, it's the least I can do ;-)




1) I married my French boyfriend when I was 22, and we broke up a year later. We're still married - we just haven't gotten around to organising the end of it, yet.

2) I am petrified of spider wasps. You know the big, black ones with bright orange wings that like to drag huntsman spiders around? I have nightmares that I am the huntsman spider, and that I end my days paralysed and eaten from the inside by spider wasp larvae.

3) I have had postnatal depression for about six months now, and I'm bumbling my way through various avenues to (hopefully) find a way to fix it. I'm extremely grateful that, as awful as it can get sometimes, it hasn't affected the way I feel about my little girl. And I probably won't write much more about it here - blogging is a bit of an escape, a 'happy place', if you will. But I'm also becoming more comfortable with being open about it.

4) Speaking of that little sprite, I thought I might clarify, just in case: Baboushka is her nickname. Aussie rhyming-slang and all that. I wouldn't really be so mean as to rob her of her youth by giving her the russian word for 'grandmother' as her name ;-)

5) I love clothes. I could even go as far as to say that I'm obsessed. Sometimes, when I'm having a cup of tea and reading blogs late at night, I'll put on one of my favourite op-shop scores - a sequinned 50s shell top, a vintage silk kimono - and just sit and feel generally excited.

6) Actually, maybe it's more the op-shop thing that I'm obsessed with. The clothes part is always good, but I feel the same about my thrifted teapots that will never serve any purpose other than to look beautiful. When I'm not wearing inappropriately glamourous clothes in front of the computer late at night, you'll find me taking photos of the aforementioned teapots, or composing love poems to Grindley sandwich plates.

7) The place that you won't find me late at night is in bed, asleep. It doesn't matter how early I wake up, I find I really have to force myself to go to bed. There's something about the witching hour that fills me with creativity and motivation. It's kind of annoying, but better to have it at midnight than not to have it at all :-)

Ahh, I won't tag anyone in particular, I'm very non-committal when it comes to tagging! But please tag yourself if you are so inclined!