Last night, Baboushka gave Pat and me a very unpleasant scare. While Pat was changing her nappy, she started choking (on what, we're not sure - probably a bit of vom-vom) and was having difficulty breathing. Pat called me in, I called 000, but thankfully Pat had it sorted before they even picked up. And then I burst into tears and Baboushka, safe and happy, started giggling (cheeky monkey).
In the scale of things, it was pretty minor, but it scared the life out of me. I'm still feeling very serious about the whole thing (light-hearted posts will resume shortly). In fact, I don't think I've ever been so terrified. I was fairly concerned a few months ago when Baboushka's newborn screening tests came back with positive results for both Phenylketonuria and Homocystinuria - false positives, as it turned out, but for a few weeks there, every time I thought about it my heart sank. But this had nothing on the thought that my little girl could... well, it's best left unwritten.
This is an element of motherhood for which I was pretty unprepared. I knew I'd worry and fret, but the extent of these feelings is completely new to me. So here is a question for everyone out there, parent or not: how do you deal with these sorts of feelings?
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5 comments:
:( ! What a terrifying nasty shock! Poor bebe`, poor you guys........hope you had some calming tea and Rescue Remedy on hand (for you, not the baby!) xxx
Oh Iris, you poor thing! I am so glad your little girl is ok.
You took me back to a similarly terrifying incident for us in December. We were at a restaurant on a balcony, and we think a leaf or something must have blown into our little munchkin's pram... we never saw what she put into her mouth, but all of a sudden she was choking. I have never been so panicked in all my life - I couldn't get the buckles undone on the pram & was trying to rip her out. My partner had to push me out of the way to unbuckle it & we put our 1st aid into practice. Her face was scarlet, turning blue around her nose, eyes & mouth & streams of saliva were pouring out of her mouth, as her eyes bulged out of her head. All of a sudden, with another bang on the back, she did a big gulp & started breathing again. I will never forget it, and I thought... well, I thought what you thought. It doesn't bear thinking about. For the next few months I couldn't take my eyes off her at the park or anywhere where little chokeable things were at hand, and would be silently furious at people who told me that eating a few things off the ground "won't hurt her"!
@MLF: calming tea was eventually had, when my heart eventually moved back out of my throat :-) And I've always wanted to try Rescue Remedy after hearing good things, I'll probably need it over the next few years!
@Eco-Chic: Oh my gosh, that sounds terrifying! Thank goodness for first aid (Pat has his certificate, I think it's about time I got mine). I'm so glad your little one's okay, too!
I wish I could answer this differently but, seriously, Iris - parenting is the end of innocence. Had I known, I probably never would have done it. Sure as hell won't do it again. The thought of harm coming to our babies is eternally terrifying. And yet we are powerless. All you can do is come to terms, best as you can, with the temporality of everything. Helps you to understands your own parents fears so much more, doesn't it?
@K.Line: hmm, I thought that might be the case. Ah well, no turning back now!
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